mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
