Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My cat gives me a boner
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
