Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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