at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
