bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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