ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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