I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
