maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
