Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
