is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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