That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
