just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
