There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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