I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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