I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
