so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
