Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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