Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
