Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
