my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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