Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Soap is not a condiment
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
