FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
