i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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