What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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