I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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