checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
