Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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