Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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