i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
