I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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