goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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