If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
