I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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