So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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