No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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