Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
