Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
