I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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