Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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