I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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