I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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