Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
