Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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