I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
