writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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