Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
