his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
