there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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