I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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