I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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