i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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