you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
