I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
