My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
