So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
