yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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