where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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