I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
