my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
