3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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