just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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