so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
