This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
