I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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