How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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