we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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