dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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