am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
