Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
