her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
